5 Skills for Better Listening
When was the last time you felt really well listened to?
According to the latest research, we retain only about 25-30% of what we hear in a typical conversation. Fortunately, there are specific techniques we can use to improve our listening.
Picture this →
You stop by your boss’s office and tell her that you have something important you want to talk about.
She sets her phone down on her desk, walks over to a small seating area and sits across from you. She settles into the couch, gives you a smile and gently asks, “What’s on your mind?”
Colleagues walk by her door, and her phone rings but her eyes stay fixed on you, letting you know that you have her full attention. She maintains a relaxed expression. As you speak, she nods gently from time to time to let you know she’s following along, but she doesn’t interrupt. When you’re done speaking, she waits just a moment longer to be sure there isn’t anything you want to add.
She looks you right in the eye and first thanks you for coming to speak with her. Then, she summarizes what you have just said using a gentle tone of voice. She asks a few clarifying questions and when she’s done, says, “Have I got that right?” then sits quietly again for a moment, allowing you to add a few more details.
She validates that what you’ve shared is important and you proceed to explore different ways of moving forward. All of this is done from a foundation of trust and a sense of being on the same team.
One of the greatest ways to build trust and rapport to those around us is simply by offering our presence and active listening for even a few minutes.
FIVE SKILLS that are illustrated in the example above can help us to become better listeners when used with greater intention:
Body Language - The way we sit, where we rest our gaze, our gestures and tone are just as important ways of communicating as the words we say.
Silence - Our brains work faster than our mouths. We can use silence to create space, to show compassion, and to slow the pace.
Mirroring - When we summarize what we’ve heard before advancing the conversation, it shows the other person that we really care and demonstrates that we truly understand. It also gives them a chance to hear their own story in a more objective way which can evoke new insights for them.
Self Management - We can be better active listeners and hold focus by noticing when our thoughts creep in and gently pushing them away. We can also decide not to glance at the clock or wave at someone who is walking by.
Reserve Judgement - While we are listening, we can stop our brains from making assumptions, jumping to conclusions, or “connecting the dots” so that we can first fully hear the other person. There will be time for analysis and interpretation later, but while we are actively listening, our critical thinking skills can get in our way.
